Sunday, September 14, 2008


During the period of adolescence, the individual adolescent begin to exhibit some sexual behaviors. Among these behaviors are dating, attraction, love and premarital sex. These are briefly discussed.
DATING BEHAVIOUR: Dating is a period which precedes going steady. Dating may lead to courtship. It is a period when adolescent begin to meet and discuss on future relationship.
Dating behavior then means how adolescents of opposite sex carry themselves during dates. Suffice to note that many researchers have worked extensively on dating. They have concluded that dating does not take place in a particular time of the year.
Obviously, we have so many types of dates among these are; MOVIE DATE,LUNCH DATE,DINNER DATE,FELLOWSHIP DATE, PARTIES DATE ETC. Generally, when dating is to be made, the male will ask the female if she will not mind to go on a lunch date with him. The manner of request varies. The most important is that whoever is asking should be polite and modest.
During dating, men are expected to pay or finance the dates. The expectation of men from ladies during dates is that ladies do not eat or drink too much. Topics for discussion in most cases are raised by men. This is not to say that ladies can not raise topics, but if such is done, the lady must be cautions.
ATTRACTION; This is the extent to which the physique of that individual appeal to the opposite sex. It is very apt to remark that adolescents dwell so much on attraction. Some girls prefer tall, slim fair etc while some guys prefer dark, busty or sizeable ladies. Although, preferences differs from individual to individual, adolescent seems to forget the fact that beauty is like a fading flower.
L O V E ; This is the bond of affection between two people. In this context, between two people of opposite sex. There are different types of love.. EROTIC LOVE, AGAPE LOVE,PHILEO LOVE, STORGE LOVE, PHILIA LOVE, PRAGMA LOVE, LODUS LOVE,MANIA LOVE, STARGE LOVE.
EROTIC LOVE: Affection with sexual intercourse.
AGAPE LOVE: Unconditional love – Gods own love.
PHILEO LOVE: Conditional love. STORGE LOVE: parent/child love affection.
PHILIA LOVE: Solid friendship etc. Suffice to say that love has varying styles. PRAGMA LOVE: Most practical aspect of love. LODUS LOVE: Playful styles of love . MANIA LOVE: These love can lead to death-too possessive. STARGE LOVE: Being best of friends.

COURTSHIP: Courtship take place after dating and it precedes marriage. This is a period where the couple learn more about their family history, temperament and compatibility. Learn to understand each other in preparation for marriage.
In other to understand each other, the couple embark upon series of test. Among these tests are namely: TIME TEST- This test the ability to keep to time. EMOTIONAL TEST-This is to test the extent to which one of the couple is emotionally stable. This could be done through deliberate provocation of one another. Other types of test during courtship are DATING TEST,QUARREL TEST,HABIT TEST, SHARING TEST ETC.
Pre-marital sex simply means sex before marriage. It must be born in mind that adolescent is in the period of exploration. The expirations is not unconnected with the hormonal secretion during adolescence. This hormonal secretion increases the sexual drive of the adolescent. This is very natural and normal. Inability to withhold this drive causes an adolescent to seek gratification which more often leads to sexual intercourse before marriage.
These are briefly explained thus.
CURIOUSITY; Remember that adolescents are very anxious to know a lot of things including sex. They wants to know why mum and dad cuddle each other with their room under lock and key. They want to taste and want to feel. This ultimately lead to sex before marriage.
PRESSURE: Adolescent may give in to pressure from peers. According to Papilla(1990) She said many fail under pressure to engage in sexual activity even when they are not ready for it. Most often than not, the pressure to engage in pre-marital sex or early sexual activities are socially based.
MEDIA: Today teenagers quest to watch television set, pornography in computer, obscene pictures in newspapers and magazines etc increases adolescents urge for sex. It must be noted that there is increase in frequency with which sexual matters are being addressed on television through movies and video cassettes. Records even send out more sexual images.
PARENTAL UPBRINGING: The first teacher of a child is the parent. Children learn mostly by imitation. They imitate what their parents do. If parents are promiscuous. Tendencies are that adolescent from such environment may be exposed their parents’ sexual activities.
LACK OF GUIDANCE AND COUNSELING: Where adolescents lack proper guidance and counseling, could lead to early sexual activities, hence premarital sex. If adolescents are not well guided in their sexual behavior, this may lead to premarital sex as they may not know the implication of what they are doing.
PURSUIT OF CAREER: Where individual is pursuing work or career. This may lead to delay marriage. The implication is that such individual uncontrollably engages in sex before marriage.
CULTURE: In some parts of Africa countries, some culture places premium on early marriage thus exposing children even at pre adolescent level to sexual activities. Such culture value the number of children individual have more than life.
When sex is not done in appropriate time and stage, there must be its consequences. Some of these consequences are grave. These are;
DISEASES AND INFECTIONS: There are series of diseases and infections that could be contracted by the adolescent during premarital sex. These are summarized as sexual transmitted infections(STI) Some of which are;gonorrhea,syphilis, etc. However, where not properly treated could lead to infertility.
UNWANTED PREGNANCY: As the name implies, the pregnancy is not wanted. Why this is because the individual at this stage is not ready.
FALL OUT OF EDUCATION: As a result, of this pregnancy, the adolescent stops schooling. The boy may also experience set back as there may be inability of the parents to cope with nurturing pregnancy and paying schools fees.
VISCO VIRGINA FISTULA: Early exposure to sex which may lead to pregnancy and ultimately child bearing have been documented as causing visco virginal fistula ( V.V.F) This is a very serious health problem ravaging the northern parts of Nigeria.
DEATH: The adolescent may want to wriggle out the guilt and shame that are associated with unwanted pregnancy by aborting it. This has resulted into death in some cases.
There is no doubt that the adolescents faces multiple of sex related problems. These are highlighted below;
ATTRACTION: As noted earlier in this write up, attraction is the extent to which the physique of the opposite holds appeal. It must also be mentioned that adolescent adore their body. Hence, they are mindful of their body image. They do this, because they want to be noticed by the opposite sex. They will do all they can to be attractive to the opposite sex. This invariably becomes problem to the adolescent who may not be able to identify natural beauty from man made one.
BURN OUT: When adolescents are dating, and they do this for a very long time without marrying there is tendency that they are bored. This boring situation is what is known as BURN OUT. This always happen when adolescent do not caution themselves and rush into a relationship.
PSYCHOLOGICAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE: It is possible that adolescents suffer some psychological and physical abuse in their day-to-day sexual activities. Adolescent could be roughly handled. This could be psychological traumatic. Among those ways in which adolescents could be abused is through raping. Rape is when there is sexual intercourse without the consent of the partner whether the boy or the girl.
IGNORANCE ABOUT BODY LANGUAGE: Body language means the extent to which some part of your body responds to touch. The sensitivity of any part of your body that can SWITCH YOU ON. There is no doubt the fact that there are many adolescents that are ignorant of this. Hence, they fall victim of this. This has created problem for them.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Are Parents The Cause Of Teen Suicide?

What drives a teenager to commit suicide? Is a dysfunctional family the cause of teen suicide or is it the peer pressure, low self-esteem, stress, access to drugs, guns, or an unyielding desire to make the pain disappear. Teenage suicide has and is becoming a pandemic in our country and around the world.

According to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, "teen suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers -- almost 2,000 teens kill themselves each year." It is estimated that "over 90% of teen suicide victims have a mental disorder, such as depression, and/or a history of alcohol or drug abuse."

Our youth has become entrenched in an ideology doled out by those who seek to control, persuade, and coerce our teenagers. At the same time, communication between parent and child has become, in most situations, non-existent. This leaves teenagers to fend for themselves in areas they are too immature to understand, or too eager to become engaged in activities which can lead them astray.

There was a time when teens came directly home after school; were greeted by at least one parent; studied; had a family dinner, and off to bed. Today, the term “latch-key kid” has become the norm, rather than the exception. Teens arrive home late; often to an empty apartment or home. They engage in computer games, while eating junk food; and often do not see their parents until morning – and only because they are late getting out of bed. Homework is secondary or non-existent. One can argue a two income household is necessary; but at what cost? Furthermore, if you’ve ever graced a public school environment, you would find teens lack even the rudimentary necessities of life; yet, cell phones are tucked in their worn out jeans and skirts.

The music, movies, and educational system have let down our teenagers in the most rudimentary way. They lack guidance and care. Our child services, our family courts, and our caregivers have offered little to assert the importance of self-worth. Over the years, the make-up of the "family" has dramatically changed. A teenager’s family could be his gang members who, on a daily basis, feed into the destruction of that teen. Morality has become passé, and they have become self-absorbed in an underworld of hatred and self-loathing.

Have all teenagers talked or even thought about suicide? No. However, the statistics are still frightening. A teenager doesn't suddenly choose to die unless something terribly wrong has pushed him/her over the edge. We cannot allow them to choose that endgame. Teenagers do become depressed, alone, angry, hopeless and helpless. As parents, as friends, as educators, as guardians of this precious commodity - we cannot allow them to succeed in what they think may be in their best interest. They must be given a reason to live, to love, to become needed and useful members of our society.

As adults/parents, we must educate and interact with our youth in a positive, caring and thoughtful way to ensure they have the proper tools with which to grow and gain empowerment. To do less would without a doubt contribute to the cause of teen suicide, the ultimate tragedy.

The Benefits Of Exercising During Pregnancy

Everyone knows that exercise is very good for your health. During pregnancy, exercise can have many other benefits as well. Normally, exercise should be light, especially during your first few weeks of pregnancy while your body adjusts to the changes.

Any type of heavy exercise can divert the blood flow from crucial areas, and most women that exercise on a regular basis should tone down their workout regimen during pregnancy.

Swimming, walking, and yoga are two very popular exercise activities that are suitable for pregnant women. There are other forms of exercise such as weight lifting that are acceptable as long as it isn't too strenuous. Most specialists recommend exercise 3 - 4 times a week, unless you have a medical condition that prevents it. If you are ever in doubt, you should consult a physician first.

Below, you'll find some of the best reasons as to why you should exercise during pregnancy.

1. Exercise can help to reduce the length of labor and recovery time. The right exercise routines will also increase stamina that is needed for delivery.

2. Improved mental health. Exercise can lower stress and improve your emotional health, making it easier for you to get through the new experience of becoming a mother.

3. Exercise can also help with weight management after the child has been born. A common concern with most mothers is the weight they lose after pregnancy. During pregnancy, exercise can make postpartum weight loss easier.

4. Exercise is very good for your unborn baby. By keeping your body healthy, you are also looking out for your baby as well.

5. Exercise can help reduce the side effects of pregnancy. Symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, swelling, and constipation are all common with pregnant women. Studies have shown exercise to reduce the occurrence of these symptoms.

6. Exercise can also decrease the risk of premature birth. Exercise has been proven to decrease the risk of premature birth by at least 50%.

You should always make sure that you drink plenty of fluids before you exercise, follow a nutritious diet, and avoid over exertion. You should also listen to your body, and if you start feeling sick you should immediately stop and rest.

If you exercise during your pregnancy, you'll find it a lot easier to deliver when the time comes. Exercise will help your body strengthen up, which will make it very easy on you when you go into the delivery room. Women who don't exercise find it much harder when the time comes to give birth.

Exercising during pregnancy is one of the best things you can do for yourself and for your unborn baby. Your baby will reap some of the benefits, which is reason enough to exercise. Always be safe when you exercise, and don't hesitate to ask a doctor for advice if you have any questions at all. As long as you exercise safe and use good common sense, you'll do a world of good for your pregnancy.

Diets For The Pregnant Woman

The major myth surrounding diets for a pregnant woman is that she can eat whatever she wants because of her cravings. In fact, this could not be farther from the truth. Pregnant women should follow certain diet guidelines to ensure that their baby is born healthy, receiving enough nutrients and vitamins to grow accordingly. There is no one prescribed diet for pregnant women, but there are a few basics.

One of the first things a newly pregnant woman should do is increase the amount of folic acid or complex B vitamins. In reality, you should be increasing this amount even prior to becoming pregnant, but maintain an increased amount in your diet during the early stages of pregnancy as well. These vitamins help with the neurological and spinal development of a baby in its early stages, and increasing your consumption of them ultimately helps the baby's growth.

Another important part of diets for the pregnant woman is getting enough protein. Protein helps with cell development and producing blood. When consuming protein, pregnant women should consider lean meat choices, such as chicken or turkey, along with egg whites or nuts and tofu. Iron, often found in lean red meats, is also necessary to help cell production and prevent anemia in both the mother and the child.

The diets for a pregnant woman should not be low-carbohydrate, high-protein diets, however. Carbohydrates are necessary for one's energy on a daily basis. With the extra weight gain and the hormonal changes of pregnancy, one should try to keep one's energy up. This means continuing to exercise - but focusing on exercises for pregnant women instead to maintain your health and metabolism.

Beyond protein and carbohydrates, it is essential for pregnant women to maintain a diet rich in vitamins and nutrients. As most everyone knows, calcium is crucial to building strong bones, but it can also help with nerve functions. Pregnant women should be sure to consume a moderate amount of calcium per day. Other essential vitamins like A, C, B12, D, etc., are necessary to help with healthy skin and bones and maintaining the nervous system. A lot of these vitamins can be found in leafy green vegetables and fruits.

Overall, it is important to understand that diets for a pregant woman must be balanced diets that are healthy. Understanding the five food groups of the food pyramid as established by the U.S. government is perhaps the easiest way to ensure that you are eating the right kinds of foods. Many pregnant women think they need to eat for two people, but in reality, you should only be consuming about 300 more calories per day for the baby, and those 300 calories should be nutritious and healthy.

Sunday, August 24, 2008


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Is Money Causing Stress In Your Marriage?

Many couples find that finances are a prime source of friction. And, like most couples, you may never really discuss with one another the financial facts of your life. How do you feel about money? How does your spouse feel about money? What's a financial necessity and what is a luxury? How should money be handled and who should handle what? What are you and your wife/husband's long term financial goals? If most couples would take the time to get close and discuss money like this, they would have discovered that although they may have different ideas about saving and spending, perhaps they could have resolved these differences before they became too divisive.

If relationships that go down the tubes due to money stress are like yours, then take the time to sit together with bank statements, pencil, paper, calculator and draw up a workable budget that you can stick to. You may have to spend a few weeks jotting down what you each spend during the day so you can see where every penny goes. Most of us are aware of the beg expenses, but it's the smaller ones (dry cleaning, drugstore items, food) that slip by but add up. Write down your fixed costs: rent, mortgage payments, child-care expenses, insurance. Then include costs that are more flexible: entertainment, clothing, food, and so on. What can you cut out or cut back?

If you have made a realistic budget, you should be able to put aside money for savings every month as well as have money for emergencies. Determine who is going to handle which payments and be sure to put some money into a personal spending account for each of you so you aren't obligated to consult each other on every minor expense. However, always discuss significant purchases or investments. Revise your budget and investment plans if your family or job situation changes.

When discussing money, try to be business-like, not emotional. Avoid blaming and labeling – calling your spouse a tightwad or saying he spends money like a drunken sailor, for instance, is not conducive to cooperation.

Most important, no matter how tight money is, reserve a small amount for pleasure. Even if you go out once a week to a movie or for pizza, just the two of you, you'll feel better about your relationship in general if you indulge yourselves once and a while.
The best first food for a baby is breast milk and it is the reason why breastfeeding is being encouraged in all over the world. No matter who you are, poor or rich and where you come from. There are benefits giving breast milk to your baby, what are they?

Breastfeeding is another way to build a strong bond with your baby. The skin contact that you are making and the warm cuddle that you give her will make her feel sense of security, warmth and comfort. The more often you do the breastfeeding the closer relationship you will have with your baby.

The breast-fed babies have fewer illnesses because human milk transfers to the infant a mother's antibodies to disease. About 80 percents of the cells in breast milk are macrophages, cells that kill bacteria, fungi and viruses. Breast-fed babies are protected, in varying degrees, from a number of illnesses, including pneumonia, botulism, bronchitis, staphylococcal infections, influenza, ear infections, and German measles.

Sucking at the breast promotes good jaw development. It is harder work to get milk out of a breast than a bottle, and the exercise strengthens the jaws and encourages the growth of straight, healthy teeth. When your baby doing breastfed she learns to control the flow of milk by sucking and stopping. With a bottle, the baby must constantly suck or react to the pressure of the nipple placed in the mouth.

On average, breastfed babies have fewer infections in their early life. In particular they have less: diarrhea and vomiting, chest infections, and ear infections compared to babies who are not breastfed. The main reason how it can be happen is because the antibodies and other proteins, which in the breast milk from, mother to baby. These help to protect against infection.

Yvonne Hanson is a mother and professional adviser, specialized on parenting area. She enjoys helping parents to raise their children, starting from the pregnancy period by giving valuable information.

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Make Your Mom Or Wife Feel Like the Sexiest and Prettiest Mom on Earth!

In a man's life, there are two women who mean absolutely the world to him: his mother and his wife. And on those special days of the year, a guy should do his best to make either his mother or the mother of his children feel like the most beautiful and sexiest mom in the entire world. That's what I did for my mom even though she was hundreds of miles away.

You see, my mom married very early because at 18 years old she was already pregnant with. My dad, the guy who got her pregnant left her after about just three years of marriage to live with another woman who he met at a bar. But instead of succumbing to grief, my mom took a lot of odd jobs just to get us through hard times. Sometimes, what she made wasn't enough to pay for the rent, our food and my education at the same time. Because she told me that education was one of the best things in the world to have there were days that we only ate twice a day, but the two of us always ate together. In spite of all our hardships, we were happy. And I'm forever thankful for my mom's perseverance and love.

Because my mom was so pretty, she usually attracted a lot of attention wherever she went even if she didn't wear any makeup. While working as a clerk, she might my stepdad, and their combined efforts helped me to get through college. And now that I had my Master's Degree in the Liberal Arts, I decided that I would give back in grand fashion.

So on mother's day, I made a video by gathering messages from all my friends and family members and setting it to "Unbreak My Heart" which is her all-time favorite song. And I flew home without any warning just to surprise her on mother's day with my creation and some of her favorite chicken curry (that I cooked myself for a change!) and I told her I wanted to make her feel like the most beautiful and special mom in the entire world. She was so happy, she was in tears!

There are a lot of things you can do for your mom or your wife on mother's day or on their birthdays. If you'd like to find more ideas, visit:

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How to Be a Good Working Mother

I believe that almost all women despise getting back to work after they have children, but most of us just don't have other options. We just had to do it.

That was how I felt when I first left my then 1 year old son and headed back to work. Not to mention how some mothers feel superior because they don't have to leave their children at home and go to make some measly bucks to keep the stove burning, they can be mean sometimes to me.

I'm not saying that I know better than other working mothers just because I have several years experience. I just thought of sharing how I so far manage to juggle between PTA gathering and office meetings.

Try to find a job that is closer to your home. So at least you can be home before their bed time and spend some quality time with your children.
If you have to spend sometimes for overtime, try to make it up to them. Spend the whole weekends with your family. Turn off your blackberry and try as best as you can to stay away from the urgency to "just read and reply a bit" your boss's emails.
If possible, bring some small tokens for your family after work. It's not a bribery, just to show that you do remember them. Perhaps one or two of the family's favorite pizza, one bucket of ice cream, or just your husband or children's favorite tabloid.
Keep contact. Spend five minutes at least everyday to call them. Ask how they're doing, how's their day, and really listen to their answer.
If possible, let your children spend their days at grandparent's house (in some countries, babysitter can be extremely expensive).

Hopefully these simple tips can be of any use :)

Remember, be proud that you are a working mother. Because you're doing the best you can.

Nita S. Novimasofa
Working Mother

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When and How to Stop Breastfeeding

When breastfeeding your child it can be sometimes quite an issue to stop breastfeeding, especially if your child is accustom to being breastfed, it is important that you try not to upset the balance by simply stop breastfeeding. You have to take small steps towards shifting from breast milk to normal milk. Breast milk is good for a child at early stages but eventually it gets to a point in which is does not matter whether or not the child takes breast milk or regular milk. But it is very important that when you are changing from breast milk to regular milk that you transition it slowly so that there are no upsets along the way.

A good way to start when stopping breastfeeding is to breastfeed less. Still breastfeed your child of course, but cut down their daily intake. Just make sure that when you are doing it you are making sure that your child is happy and not feeling uncomfortable as a result. If you continue to do this, eventually your child will get used to it and feel at ease with the current regime of feeding.

You can then move onto the next step, this is a great step for moving away from breastfeeding. Try and lessen the amount you breastfeed your child, but also try to put some breast milk into a bottle and use it to feed your child. This is a very effective method as it shows your child that it can get the same milk without breastfeeding. It may take some time for your child to adjust to this but after time I can guarantee that it will come into effect and your child will begin to readjust itself.

This then leads onto the next step, this is a big step since it is the transition from breast milk to regular milk, of course it is completely up to you as to whether you give your child breast milk or regular milk, but this is an optional step if you want your child to have regular milk instead of breast milk. When feeding your child the bottled breast milk you should try and slowly adjust and switch between regular milk and breast milk, mixing it together has been known to work sometimes, and by lowering the amount of breast milk you can in effect just give your child regular milk without it noticing a big difference. There are many tactics and strategies you can use to approaching this situation, but always remember to take it nice and slowly to ensure that there are no hiccups along the way.

Then, hopefully after this process you will have successfully moved away from breastfeeding. Of course, you can still feed your child breast milk if you prepare it in a bottle in advance, but it will eventually get to a point where you will find it easier to use regular milk. It is common that too much breast feeding can lead to discomforts in the breast especially if you breastfeed your child on a daily basis. So hopefully, no matter what your current situation is, this guide should hopefully have helped you.

Looking for further information on babies? Information on many other baby health topics including Meningitis and Vomiting.

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Saturday, August 16, 2008

How to Avoid Common Divorce Mistakes

Step1Take a step back from quickly rushing to divorce court. When you rush to end the marriage, it can often leave unfinished business, especially business related to finances, that can come back to haunt you during the actual proceedings or shortly afterwards.
Step2Be prepared. Choosing to pay a divorce attorney can cause more financial strain than it may be worth. Remember, divorce attorneys charge over inflated hourly rates, which you can avoid by doing some of the work yourself. You can be better prepared by making sure to have copies of all necessary paperwork the attorney will need to begin the proceedings. Gather copies of financial and legal documents dealing with assets, prior tax returns, bank account statements and an accurate list of outstanding debts. This can essential save you time and hundreds of dollars.
Step3Seek the counsel of a financial planner or accountant. Do not jump and eagerly agree to split everything down the middle, because you may be cheating yourself out of future finances that are rightfully owed. It is important to take into consideration immediate and long-term tax ramifications of all belongings, which will help note true worth.
Step4Seriously consider whether it is in your best interest to ask for the house. Many spouses, women, eagerly want to keep the house, but do not think of the long term financial obligation they are leaping into. All to often, the wife asks for the house and has to give up so much more in order to win it in the settlement that she walks away with a house and little cash flow to maintain it. When and if she cannot maintain the house after the divorce, she will be forced to sell and only be eligible for $250,000 tax-free gain, which can hurt her in the long run. It may be better to sell before the divorce and get a larger tax-free gain and eliminate future hardships.
Step5Avoid rushing to court. This can cause the couple more hardship and stress, as well as, strain on their wallets. Divorce attorneys and divorce court proceedings can cost a pretty penny, and at a time when spending should be more frugal. A better way to approach divorce is to go through mediation. This will have the couple amicably negotiate an agreement both can live with. Of course, this will only work well with a couple that can be civil and mature about the situation, but it can save them a great deal of money to do it this way.
Step6Attempt to untangle assets. Along the way you probably built up credit jointly. It is in both parties interest that they free themselves from the tangle as much as they can before the go through the divorce proceedings. It is time to independently establish credit by opening up a credit card in your own name. The divorce may get ugly and spiteful, which may have one party running up existing joint credit cards, so, if you have your own, you can rebuild your credit score easily.
Step7Pay off all or as many of the marital obligations before you enact the divorce. Waiting to have marital debt and obligation settled as part of the divorce settlement can lead to trouble later on when and if one member fails to honor what they agreed upon in the divorce. This may cause creditors to chase after you to get payment. Unfortunately, this may require you to liquidate assets like the house.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

5 Signs of a Woman Committing Infidelity by Daniel Theron

How do you recognize whether or not your wife is having an affair with another man? You do not want to accuse her of infidelity when it is not the case. Someday you may need to read some of the signs of a woman having an affair.
Sign #1. Problems in the bedroom -- Your wife used to be interested enough in being intimate with you. If there is a sudden and unexplained change such as showing too much interest or too little, there may be something more going on.

Sign #2: Old Habits die hard -- People fall into routines and habits. If your wife recently started working late or joined some unknown club and has to go to meetings with people you have never met, there may be more to tell. Be involved with or find out more about her new activities and friends. That should keep you in the loop.

Sign #3. Just called to say I love you -- Your wife gets a call on the phone or her cell phone and she quickly leaves the room or closes a door. Why is she so secretive about certain calls? Take note of this.

Sign #4. Engaging emails -- Does your wife receive emails from a secret admirer that she does not share with you? That's right, this is the digital information age and an affair does not have to include physical infidelity to be considered cheating. The content of the emails will probably be intimate in nature.

Sign #5. Mirror, mirror on the wall -- Your wife is usually not obsessed with how she looks, but recently she has been paying special attention to her appearance. You did not suggest to her that she lose weight, buy some sexy lingerie or change her hairstyle. Why did she decide to drastically alter her appearance? Did she do it for herself, for you or for another man?

Do not jump to conclusions or act impulsively and accuse her of cheating on you if you do not have rock solid evidence of infidelity. You need find out what is behind your wife's changing behavior. Just be aware of these 5 signs of a woman committing infidelity.

Save Your Marriage For Better Or For Worse by A.C. West

Remember your wedding day? Chances are you vowed to stay together for better or worse. Well, if you are in a marital relationship where you have reached a stage of "for worse," you need to get it back to the point of "for better" to save your marriage.
That vow you made stated that you would be there for your spouse through the good times and the bad. When things get tough, you both need to step back for a moment a recall that you are each others security net, so to speak. You are supposed to be there for each other in the rough times and not run away at the sight of problems.

In some cases, you may have grown apart from each other with your busy lives. Work, children, daily tasks needing to be completed can all take time away from your spouse. The problems may be minor and easily corrected by talking with each other and being open and honest about your concerns. You may only need to start spending time together as you did in the early years of your relationship. Or even just begin doing little things to show your love for each other.

In other cases, your problems may be very serious. Issues such as infidelity, abuse, and drug addiction will generally need to be resolved with other means than attempting to handle it alone. These types of issues will need professional assistance for the mental, physical, and emotional sake of both of you. But even with these types of serious problems, chances are still good that your marriage can be saved.

Whether your marriage problems are minor or severe and no matter how difficult the circumstances may be, try to remember your marriage vow of "for better or worse." You made a commitment to one another. Most marriages can be saved and not lead to divorce.

About the Author
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5 Ways to Rekindle the Fire to Help Save Your Marriage by A.C. West

Before marriage, your relationship was sizzling hot and the romance was on fire. But, now with your job, possibly children and just the regular tasks and duties of daily life, that fire has dwindle down to just warm coals. This lack romantic time together can have detrimental effects on your relationship. To help rekindle that fire, here a few tips to help save your marriage.
Leave "love notes" for your spouse in their car, briefcase, refrigerator or anywhere around the house where you know he or she is sure to not miss it. Try leaving a sweet and romantic message on his or her voice mail.

Listen to the things you spouse says he or she likes and then surprise him or her with a special gift. It could be a special book or bubble bath your wife says she would like to get sometime. Or, it could be a CD or DVD your husband has mentioned wanting to buy.

If your loved one has a chore he or she really dislikes doing, occasionally do the task for him or her. If your husband normally takes out the garbage, get the bags out for him. If your wife does the laundry, throw a load in the washer and dry for her.

Most people love to be pampered in some way and who does not like receiving a massage? Pamper your spouse by giving a foot, back or full body massage. You could alternate nights so both of you could fully the enjoy the relaxing benefits on your night.

Go out on a date... with your spouse of course! It does not need to be an extravagant outing, unless you both want it to be. You could have a simple picnic or go on a walk. Go some of the places you went to on dates before you got married.

Try some of these ways to rekindle the fire and get creative and come up with your own. However, if your marriage needs more help than these tips can give, please realize that there are other ways you can save your marriage.

About the Author
Don't let your marriage slip from your grasp... Learn how to resolve your damaging conflicts and rebuild the lost love to save your marriage today. You can get started saving your marriage in the next 10 minutes. Go to now to help save your marriage and stop divorce.

10 Ways to Enjoy Your Life Even When He/She's Cheating on You

When my husband had an affair with his ex girlfriend (who was the same person he cheated on me with when we were still engaged), my world collapsed. He spent one night at our house and the rest of the week at her place openly. He constantly told me that he will divorce me and kick me and our son out of the house. It was a horrible "Dark Age".

One day I just decided to call it off. After years of insincere prayers (I did my daily prayers just because I had to, not meaning them), I start opening my heart again to Him. I started living my life as if nothing bad ever really happened. I started smiling again. Laughing. And loving.

And it felt great!

Here are some things I did in the past that might help you to get through your "Dark Age" and came out a winner.

Prayers. I wasn't much (and even now sometimes) of a religious person, but when all else fails I just turn to this method to release all that burdens me. When I don't know what to say, I simply ask "Dear God, I'm tired. Take this off of me and do whatever you want with it." Not much of a prayer but afterwards I feel relieved
Manage your life. Look back and see what you've messed and left behind during your "Dark Age". Try to make a lesson out of it, and tell yourselves not to do the same mistake again, and keep it that way.
Apologize. Yes, apologize to your spouse or partner ignoring the fact that she/he was the one who's cheating on us. We don't get smoke if there's no fire, so there must be something we did that didn't suited her/him. Simply say "I'm sorry for what I did that makes you do what you're doing." That's all. If you say more and she/he's not in the mood for even looking at you, you'll get only havoc.
Smile. Start smiling. Sincere smile. Even to your spouse or partner and their boy/girlfriend. I once read that smiling will make you feel better. It does, even if it's only slightly. And somehow, I think that will give your partner impression that you're not annoyed with what she/he is doing and they will start wondering
Stop and smell the roses. Start appreciating things no matter how small. You will feel so blessed even with your present condition.
Allow yourself some fun and happiness. Try not to think or worry how your relationship/marriage is going to turn out, leave that to Him (that's why #1 is a must do to be able to do the rest of this list). Go out. See some friends. Share laughter and joy instead of tears. Have fun!
If you have child(ren) and you've been treating them not quite good during your "Dark Age", talk to them and apologize. I don't put this high on the list because I believe that you have to feel good about yourself before you can do good to others, including your own family.
Put on some make up or nice outfit. During "Dark Age" I didn't really pay attention on how I looked, I kept concentrating on my pain and forgot to look after the most important person in my life.. ME! So I started doing some exercise, putting on some make up, and even buying nice clothes which I rarely did previously. I lost some extra pounds and my friends were complimenting how I look. I even had one or two extra fans which make me feel good about myself.
Treat your spouse/partner nicely. It is tough, I know. Been there done that. But somehow this just might be the way to get them back, if they really belong to us.
Mean it. When you decide to enjoy your life, mean it. Really mean it.
Remember, this life is about YOU. You deserve to feel good and have fun no matter how bad others treat you.

When your spouse/partner is cheating on you, it's THEIR lost, not yours.

I sincerely wish you the best of lucks and keep you in my prayer list. Oh and by the way, my husband has never been so loving and adoring me now

Nita Prihanto

Freelance Writer

Article Source:

Do These Signs of a Cheating Spouse Really Mean He's Messing Around?

Do you feel in the pity of your gut that your husband or boyfriend is painting the town with another woman? Is he leaving signs or doing things that would indicate he is cheating? If you have seen any of the following signs of a cheating spouse then there is real reason to think your spouse is cheating.

He's staying late after work, all the time - OK ladies let's face it. If the man is the bread winner in your home then if he stays late at work occasionally that is a good thing. It can only mean more income for you and your family. BUT if you find yourself sitting down to dinner every night with just the kids and your spouse is nowhere to be seen that is a sign of a cheating spouse and you need to look into where he is and exactly what he is doing.

Lipstick on his collar and motel receipts in his pocket - Unless your spouse is in to dressing in woman's clothing and wearing lipstick hidden away in a motel room all by himself then more than likely this is yet another one of those signs of a cheating spouse.

He smells like women's perfume - Once again ladies this one is a pretty good sign of a cheating spouse. Unless he has taken to wearing a sweet smelling perfume at work he was probably snuggled up to some sexy bimbo while you were at home slaving over dinner, tending to the kids and doing his dirty laundry.

Ladies do you really need to be slapped in the face with these signs of a cheating spouse or is it that you just don't want to see them? Get really and stop all the lies, especially the ones where you lie to yourself about what he might have been doing. If the signs of a cheating spouse are there then guess what? He is probably cheating!

Are the signs there but your still not sure? Don't want to jump to fast to conclusions? Do you want a final conclusive prove? Find out the truth conclusively today.

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You Might Not Notice Genital Wart Symptoms.

Genital Warts are most commonly transmitted by the sexual route. The infection is caused by the Human Papilloma Virus. This virus infects the genital tissues and is not very easy to eliminate. You should be careful as the infection might not produce any symptoms. This is one reason why the highly contagious warts spread so easily.
Knowing that you have warts and getting them treated is more important if you are a woman. These warts have shown a very strong association which cancer. They have been shown to be the cause of cellular changes that lead to cancer of the cervix in women. If you are a woman, you must go for regular check - ups even after genital warts treatment. An annual Pap smear will help detect cancer changes early.
You might get warts if you have unprotected sex with many partners. Having sex with someone whose past history about sexually transmitted diseases is doubtful also carries a high risk of contracting the infection. You might also be susceptible to the infection if the person you have sex with has a past history of STD. If your partner has been diagnosed with genital warts you must get yourself checked for it too.
Genital wart symptoms typically include one or many warts in an around the genital area. If you are a man, genital wart symptoms would mean the presence of warts of cauliflower like projections on the tip and the body of the penis. They might be present on the scrotum and the perineum. In some cases they may also be seen around the anus. For women, genital warts are seen on the perineum and inside the vagina. The vaginal warts are not easily seen and this may lead to a delay in seeking treatment.
The genital wart symptoms also include itching and irritation in around the area of the warts. You might see that the skin of your genital area is red and peeling. You should take care not to use any over the counter preparation without the direction of a qualified health care provider. These may worsen the condition and may cause skin infection as well.
Bleeding is another genital wart symptom. You might notice bleeding while having sex. You would see it as streaks of fresh blood. This is because the warts break away during the sexual act, leaving the skin base raw and exposed.
In pregnancy, you might see a flare up. You might be having a latent infection that flares up only during pregnancy. This is because of the hormonal changes in the body and the decreased body resistance. In such cases, you may see large warts appearing. If you have had oral sex with an infected person, the warts may also been seen in the mouth and the throat. These warts are soft and fleshy. You might notice a difficulty in swallowing due to warts in the throat.
The genital wart symptoms have been outlined above. If you have any of the symptoms or have a positive history of unprotected sex with an infected person, you must consult a doctor immediately.
About the Author
Karl Dorads - Sexually Transmitted Diseases Established Expert Specialist . I also have been building a variety of websites for the last 7 years. Depth knowledge of medicine. Also, we have a doctor in our staff who helps me to write the articles. For more information about Genital Warts Treatments visit Treatments

Female Genital Warts May Not Be Detected Easily.

For women, the repercussions of having female genital warts goes much beyond the infection itself. The HPV virus which causes the infection is one of the most contagious viruses known to man. The virus has also been implicated in the development of cervical cancer among women. If you value your health you must ensure prompt diagnosis and treatment for this condition.
Female genital warts are commonly flesh colored. These warts may be present singly or in cauliflower like clusters. The warts are usually found on the external genitalia in females. The area is commonly called the vulva. They may also be present in the vagina, the area in between the vulva and anus and around the anus also. They may also be present in the mouth and throat if one has oral contact with an infected person.
The disease manifests within three months of sexual contact with an infected person. In some cases the incubation period, before the disease is apparent, is very long. In women the disease may remain latent, and flare up only during pregnancy. Risk factors which increase the chances of contracting female genital warts are having multiple sex partners and having sex at a younger age. You must use protection if you want to have sexual relations with a stranger, or a person whose past you are unsure of.
The condition manifests with the major symptom of warts in and around the genital area. There may be itching and irritation in the infected area. You might also notice bleeding during sex. This is due to the erosion of the wart tissue. In some cases female genital warts may have no symptoms at all. If the warts are within the vagina you might not notice them. The condition might worsen when you are pregnant.
Female genital warts cannot be fully cured. the treatment is aimed at removing the wart tissue. the HPV infects the upper layers of the moist genital tissue. This is not easy to eliminate. You must consider treatment, to help you ward off the threat of cervical cancer. if you are pregnant, it is very important to start treatment under the direction of a qualified health care provider. This will ensure that your baby will not contract the infection while passing through the birth canal.
The treatment can be medical or surgical . Female genital warts can be treated with a number of creams that are to be applied locally in the infected areas. it is important to consult a medical practitioner before you do this, as some of the medication might result in irritation, and needs special precautions when used. In case the warts do not respond to medication, or are very large surgery might be needed. This could be removal with liquid nitrogen, laser surgery or surgical excision.
For women another important facet of treatment is to go for regular check ups. The virus is associated with cancer of the mouth of the uterus, so you must go in for regular Pap smears even after treatment. this will ensure that you can detect any cellular changes in the cervix early and get yourself treated.
About the Author
Karl Dorads.

Monday, August 11, 2008


If you'd like to get married on your next Finland trip or are planning to elope in Finland on short notice, keep the following Finnish marriage requirements and regulations in mind:
Requirements for each partner to get married in Finland:
Your visa (if applicable)
Divorce decree from previous marriage (if applicable)
"Certificate of No Impediment" or Apostille Certificate or a statement documenting there are no reasons against the marriage, certified by a Finnish embassy
Two witnesses for the ceremony It's relatively easy to get married in Finland. Many eloping couples choose the capital of Finland, Helsinki, for getting married.
Upon your arrival in Finland, visit the local registry office (maistraatti in Finnish) at your destination. When you make the appointment for your wedding registration, you also need to inform the registry office which family names you and your spouse intend to carry.
There will be a short investigation to make sure there are no reasons to keep you both from getting married. You will need to formally request this investigation in writing (forms are available at the local registry office) and wait about a week for the results. The certificate will remain valid for four months.
Same-sex marriage in Finland is permitted through Registered Partnerships (same process as above) as of 2002, which grants immigration advantages to a foreign partner, and joint custody over children. Adoption and sharing a family name, however, are not yet part of the Registered Partnership law in Finland.


Everyone in this life is affected by marriage, either that of their parents, their own, or their children's. Keeping a marriage strong while surviving life's trials can be a huge struggle, but learning from other's experiences can help us through these times. Here's a list of twelve ways a couple can develop a happy, healthy marriage.
1. Marriage Based on Faith in Jesus ChristA happy marriage will be more easily developed and maintained upon a firm foundation of faith in Jesus Christ. Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Seventy said:"A final gospel truth that will contribute to our understanding of and hence the quality of our marriages relates to the degree in which we involve the Savior in our relationships as husbands and wives. As designed by our Heavenly Father, marriage consists of our first entering into a covenant relationship with Christ and then with each other. He and his teachings must be the focal point of our togetherness. As we become more like him and grow closer to him, we will naturally become more loving and grow closer to each other" ("A Union of Love and Understanding," Ensign, Oct 1994, 47).
2. Pray TogetherOne of the most common things mentioned in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when talking about having a happy, healthy marriage is to pray together. President James E. Faust said:"Marriage relationships can be enriched by better communication. One important way is to pray together. This will resolve many of the differences, if there are any, between the couple before going to sleep...."We communicate in a thousand ways, such as a smile, a brush of the hair, a gentle touch.... Some other important words for both husband and wife to say, when appropriate, are, 'I'm sorry.' Listening is also an excellent form of communication." ("Enriching Your Marriage," Ensign, Apr 2007, 4–8).
3. Study the Scriptures TogetherTo really strengthen your marriage study the scriptures daily with your spouse! Here's some great counsel to help you start:"As husband and wife, sit down together in a comfortable and quiet place in your home. Consult the Topical Guide found toward the back of the LDS edition of the King James Bible. Scan the scriptural topics for areas that you feel might help strengthen your relationship with the Lord, with each other, and with your children. Consult the scriptural references listed with each topic, and then discuss them. Jot down the insights you gain and the ways you will apply these scriptures in your own lives" (Spencer J. Condie, "And We Did Liken the Scriptures unto Our Marriage," Ensign, Apr 1984, 17).
4. Have Charity for Each OtherSelflessly giving of oneself is one of the hardest aspects of marriage. Our natural tendency is to be self-focused: that we make sure we're happy; that we get our way; that we're right. But happiness in marriage cannot be achieved when we put our selfish needs first. President Ezra Taft Benson said:"Today's inordinate emphasis on individualism brings egotism and separation. Two individuals becoming 'one flesh' is still the Lord's standard. (See Gen. 2:24.)"The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as well as self-development. Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the greater is our spiritual and emotional growth" ("Salvation—A Family Affair," Ensign, Jul 1992, 2).
5. Only Use Kind WordsIt's easy to be kind and say loving words when you're happy with your spouse, but what about when you're upset, frustrated, annoyed or angry? It's better to walk away and say nothing then to say something hurtful and mean. Wait until you're calm so you can discuss the situation without negative emotions tempting you to say something that would be hurtful and damaging.Saying unkind words in the form of a joke or with sarcasm is an abusive technique that people use to avoid being responsible for their words/actions by forcing the blame on the other person, making it their fault that their feelings were hurt because they "just couldn't take a joke."
6. Show GratitudeShowing genuine gratitude, to both God and a spouse, shows love and strengthens marriage. Giving thanks is easy and should be done for both the little and the big things, especially those things a spouse does on a daily basis."In the enriching of marriage, the big things are the little things. There must be constant appreciation for each other and thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. A couple must encourage and help each other grow. Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine" (James E. Faust, "Enriching Your Marriage, Ensign, Apr 2007, 4–8).
7. Give Thoughtful GiftsAn important way to maintain a happy, healthy marriage is to give your spouse a gift now and then. It doesn't need to cost a lot of money, if any, but it does need to be thoughtful. The thought put into a special gift will tell your spouse how much you love them- much more than a gift of monetary value ever can. Unless your spouse's "Love Language" is gifts, then you don't need to give them often, but it would be highly advisable to still give an occasional gift.One of the twenty suggestions by Brother Linford is to give "occasional gifts... such as a note, a needed item- but mostly gifts of time and self" (Richard W. Linford, "Twenty Ways to Make a Good Marriage Great," Ensign, Dec 1983, 64).
8. Choose to Be HappyJust like being happy in life, being happy in marriage is a choice. We can choose to say unkind words or we can choose to hold our tongue. We can choose to be angry or we can choose to forgive. We can choose to work for a happy, healthy marriage or we can choose not to.I really like this quote by Sister Gibbons, "Marriage demands work. A happy marriage exacts the very best of us. Yet above all, maintaining a successful marriage is a choice" (Janette K. Gibbons, "Seven Steps to Strengthen a Marriage," Ensign, Mar 2002, 24). The attitude we have about our marriage is a choice: we can be positive or we can be negative.
9. Keep Stress Levels LowIt's so much harder to react rationally and kindly when we are stressed. Learning how to lower our level of stress, especially in regard to finances, is a great way to have a happy, healthier marriage."What do airplanes and marriages have in common? Relatively little, except stress points. In airplanes, stress points are the parts that are vulnerable to a lot of wear and tear...."Like airplanes, marriages have stress points.... As engineers of our own marriages, therefore, we need to be aware of the specific stress points in our marriages so that we can strengthen our vulnerabilities" (Richard Tice, "Making Airplanes and Marriages Fly," Ensign, Feb 1989, 66).
10. Continue to DateContinuing to date each other will help keep the spark in your marriage. It takes a little planning and prioritizing but the results are worth it. You don't have to spend much money to have a fun date, but can easily find something enjoyable to do together, such as doing one of these dating ideas- there are over 130."Time spent together sharing interests helps a couple grow closer and gives them a chance to relax and take a break from daily stresses. Perhaps most important, dates help a couple build a reserve of love. Filled with memories of good times and strong positive feelings, this reserve can help them through difficult times of stress, disagreement, and trial" (Emily C. Orgill, "Date Night—at Home," Ensign, Apr 1991, 57).
11. It Takes TimeBuilding a happy, health marriage takes a lot of hard work, time, and patience- but it is possible!"Marriage, like any other worthwhile activity, requires time and energy. It takes at least as much time to keep a marriage in shape as it does for a weight lifter to keep his body in shape. No one would try to run a business, build a house, or rear children on two to three hours a week. In fact, the more two people who love each other interact, the stronger their bond becomes" (Dee W. Hadley, "It Takes Time," Ensign, Dec 1987, 29).
12. Love Conquers AllAnd finally, "love conquers all." It really does. I strongly believe that love and respect go hand in hand. Without love you can't respect your spouse and without respect how can you love your spouse? You can't. So build your love for each other by respecting one another."A false notion about marriage is a too-common belief in the fairy tale phrase, 'They married and lived happily ever after.' To achieve marital happiness, it is necessary that couples work together to overcome difficulties and temptations, and they must show a willingness to meet the other challenges that will always be a part of their married life together" (Dale F. Pearson, "'Love Conquers All'... And Other Fanciful Notions," Ensign, Jun 1973, 14

Saturday, August 9, 2008


Catch a Man Cheating:What To Look For by Bea
Suspicion of infidelity is a horrible thing.
It can cause insecurity, anxiety, fear, sleeplessness, depression, and can occupy your thoughts and mind all hours of the day and night.This can lead to immense amounts of emotional stress.Catch a man cheating for your own peace of mind.
You begin to speculate: What did I do to drive him them away? Did I love him enough? Did I smother him? Will I ever trust him again? Will our relationship ever be the same? What does the other person have that I don't?If you don't catch a man cheating these thoughts and questions will consume your brain.
After a while your health can suffer and your performance at work can suffer.
And then it starts to affect others.
Your children can become aware that something is wrong with Mommy , and they too can feel insecurity, anxiety, fear, sleeplessness
And they too will begin to speculate.
Infidelity hurts the whole family especially innocent children.
And it destroys the safety and sanctity your home.Sometimes when you try to catch a man cheating you will be right and sometimes you will be wrong the important thing is you catch a man cheating or maybe your suspicions will be wrong but you must try to catch a man cheating and resolve this issue that is weighing on your mind and causing you so much undo stress.
Look ou for these RED FLAGS to catch a man cheating:
Usually, the thing that will tip you off to catch a man cheating is a change in behavior.
So, let's look at just a few of the behaviors that you might observe, if you catch a man cheating
Catch a man cheating look for Behavior At Home:
¨ Appears distant, show a lack of interest or develop an unexplained aloofness
¨ Is frequently tired or lack interest in the relationship
¨Comes home smelling of an unfamiliar fragrance
¨Wears cologne much more often than usual
¨Arrives home and heads straight into the shower/bath
¨Gets dressed up a little too well (to) for trips to the grocery or running some other kind of errand
¨Begins to speak more and more harshly to you, or are more sarcastic. Sometimes this is just an attempt to justify their cheating or to give them an excuse to storm out of the room/house
¨Asks about your schedule more often than usual
¨Develops an increased focus on losing weight or pays more attention to their appearance
¨Stops wearing his wedding ring and, when asked, can't give a reasonable explanation
Catch a man cheating with changes in romance
¨Is no longer interested in sex, or he makes excuses for its infrequency.
¨Starts to request kinky or other erotic sexual activity that you have never done before, including watching porn
¨Shows a new talent in the bedroom
¨Appears reluctant to kiss you
¨Criticizes you for showing him attention.
¨Continues giving poor excuses for why he is not in the mood to make love. Catch a man cheating with these oddities in his work
¨Work longer hours, more frequently and keep you from viewing his paycheck/pay-stubs
¨Changes his established routine with no apparent reason
¨Begins discouraging you from calling him at work
¨Is often unavailable when you try to call him at work.
¨Returns calls long after you leave a message for him.
¨Prefers to attend work functions alone and tries to discourage you from attending.
¨Takes more trips for business reasons
Catch a man cheating with suspicious phone behavior
¨Receives mysterious phone calls.
¨You get an increasing number of hang-ups or wrong numbers when you pick up the phone.
¨Phone bills show unexplained toll or long distance charges.
¨Hurriedly answers the phone to answer it before you do.
¨Leaves the room to talk on the phone.
¨Whispers while on the phone.
¨Deletes numbers from caller ID
¨Behaves differently or ends the telephone calls abruptly when you enter the room. Or appears to hang up quickly.
Catch a man cheating Paper trails
¨Finding credit card receipts for gifts you didn't receive.
¨An increase in ATM withdrawals.
¨Credit card receipts showing purchases from places that unknown to you or seem suspect
¨He rushes to get the mail before you do.
¨Unusual phone numbers appear on the bill.
¨The duration and time of the calls appear excessive.
¨He are secretive about their cell phone bill.
¨He starts to pay the phone bills or credit card bills themselves.
¨ You notice business travel or other deductions for travel or other expenses that you were unaware of.
Catch a man cheating with these signs from the car
¨The passenger'sseat is adjusted differently than you had left it.
¨Taking child seat out of the car for no particular reason.
¨Finding suspicious items like phone numbers, receipts, lipstick, condoms or strange hairs in the vehicle.
¨Keeping a change of clothes in the trunk.
¨Unexplainable mileage or a lack of additional mileage. For example, if your spouse state they went out of town yet the odometer indicates that only a distance of 25 miles had been driven. Conversely, if your spouse states they have only been to the office that day, yet their odometer shows many more miles ad been driven, this too, may be a significant matter.
Computer-related to catch a man cheating
¨They warily guard access to their computer.
¨They shut down the computer as you walk into the room.
¨They add password protection their computer.
¨Or they stay up to "work" on the computer long after you havve gone to bed.
¨They have unusual sites showing in their browser history, or erase them after each late-night session.
¨They delete email message more frequently
Again, let me reiterate that these behaviors are only indicators of infidelity and are not absolutes.
Some cheaters are very deceitful and can cover their tracks superbly. They may become more attentive in an effort to compensate for the fact that their attentions are going elsewhere. They behave like model parents in an effort to alleviate their guilt. They can juggle the extra-marital relationship, while tending to the marriage in a seemingly flawless way.
They may also have friends that will help them to get out of the house or provide alibis for the cheater.
When You Begin to suspect, just observe -don't accuse: If, after some consideration, you begin to have suspicions then don't accuse, but just observe. If you accuse your partner and are mistaken, you risk causing unnecessary and irreparable damage to your relationship damage that may take a lot of time to recover from. Find out how to catch a man cheating.


If you are considering a way that you can have a child after having your tubes tied, then you probably want to know the tubal reversal success rates. Is tubal reversal surgery going to be the best option for you? That will depend upon a few factors.
To begin with, your tubal ligation method plays a big part in your success. It has a bit to do with the damage that is done to your fallopian tubes by the method and how easily it can be repaired. Using the statistics from a study done by the Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center, you can see that your best chances come if had clips or rings used. For them, the success rate is 76%. Other methods include ligation or resection, coagulation or burning, and fimbriectomy or removal of the fimbrial ends. Your chances of a successful surgery decreases in that order as well. The fimbriectomy has a 56% pregnancy rate.
Our next factor to consider is the tubal length. Just how long are the tubes once surgery to repair them is complete and what chances does the length give you? If you luck out and have tube length over 7.5 cm, you will have an 80% success rate. But if they are less than 2.5 cm, your success rate drops to 38%.
The last factor we consider here is your age at the time of the tubal ligation reversal. As you can imagine, age does play a big part in whether or not you can get pregnant. Just having surgery to reverse tying your tubes is not going to get rid of the biological clock. In the study that was done among 4025 women, those still in their 20s when they got the reversal had an 82% chance of getting pregnant while those over 40 had a 41% chance. And although women over 40 do face several risk factors in being pregnant, you might want to know it looks like the number of women over 40 getting pregnant is increasing.
So you can see that even given all these different components of the three factors, tubal reversal is a very viable option. Just check out the charts from the study and see what your tubal reversal success chances are.
To be able to view the tubal reversal success rates from the pregnancy study for yourself and for your situation, just check out the Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center website. In addition, there are many other resources for you to better inform yourself and even a message board. Be sure to send for the free tubal reversal DVD.
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Sexual Discovery - It's a Man's World by Sean Christ.
I'm a hiker, and I'm anything but a boyscout. I hurry down the trail half put together with little notion of what I'll find and when I'll return. Consequently, I've many times beat my way out of the woods in total darkness, been cut off by sheer cliffs or ice I can't cross, and once I found myself in the midst of fire weed clad only in a swimsuit and sandals.
It sounds stupid, I know, but I wouldn't live any other way. The amazing things I discover are found only with reckless abandon and a push around one more bend in the trail before it gets too dark to see any longer.
That's real life - that's also real sex.
While male daring and passion for discovery is most often admired in guys, when we carry our craving to climb over the next hilltop of our sexuality, our culture waves a red flag because, after all, there are boundaries to our sexuality. Strangely, men succumb to the wet blanket of shame that our society casts upon us in order to keep our sexuality set on the cool cycle.
Discovery is male. It chides us, "Why stop? Let's keep going!" Last week my son and wife and I dug a giant hole on the beach and watched the water fill the bottom. "Why stop there?" we thought. So, we dug the deepest hole on the beach, and he stuck a tall pole in it to mark our achievement.
Discovery is a guy's quest to connect, to climb inside, to learn one more thing. You ask one more question, drive one more hour, nail up one more sheet of plywood, make one more cast in the bay. You reach, discover and then connect.
Male sexuality is no different. It's purely male and purely sexual to chase down one more lane and explore some elusive erotic quality of your lover, a wilder physical sensation you could try together, or something you never thought you could do but wanted to try. Your lover, surprised, might say, "Umm. What are you trying to prove? Dear, this isn't a track meet." You think, "It's not?" It's a natural God-given desire for you, yet also your role to lead your wife on the adventure.
Society tells us to push all the bounds in business, education, work ethic and play, but surprisingly, society also imposes it's chilling bounds into our own bedrooms. Your passion for discovery gives you the ability to feed starving nations, find fuel sources or to put on a globe-stopping musical performance. Yet, men and their wives, anxious to explore one-another's bodies and souls and discover unimaginable union still ask, "Is this OK?" These words are death to lovers.
Guys are pioneers, and while western culture quivers in bashful sexuality, you must lovingly, but courageously push around the bend in the trail of your sexuality. You will never sexually grow enough. There is always another hill to climb over. There is always a deeper sexual union to discover with your beloved.
The chiding of maleness is welcome as it gives you courage to launch a long sexual adventure with your beloved. You vow to never ask, "Is this OK?", because your marriage bed belongs to you and your lover. You possess the words of maleness which you can laughingly and courageously take into your bedroom, "Why stop? Let's keep going!"
About the Author
Sean Christopher writes about sexuality and culture. Read his newest book Orgasmic Guy: Unleash the Hidden Truth. Sean's books, articles, resources and his blog OG Talk: Straight Talk About Male Sexuality can be found by visiting


Marriage Partnership, Fall 2003Married Without ChildrenAs our pregnancy tests kept coming up negative, the joy of sex faded, turning it into a mere quest for procreation. Would we ever find that passion again?By Marshall Allen
The sex life of an infertile couple sometimes seems as if it's a matter of public interest. At least that was our experience.
Sonja and I had been married for five years and had no children, an immediate red flag to nosy people we met at church.
"Don't you know that children are a gift from God?" one man asked.
For those years Sonja and I had asked God every day to bless us with a child. We were aware of their value.
"You'd better get started!" some would say. This would launch us into a conversation about how we'd been "trying" and how we hadn't yet conceived. "At least you're having fun trying, right?" was a comment that usually came with a coy wink.
Wrong. We were not having fun "trying." When you're infertile, making love takes on the not-so-romantic air of an assembly line production, where the baby factory yields nothing month after month, year after year. Trying to get pregnant isn't fun when you're stringing together 72 months of forced sex and failed tries at conception.
Sadly, millions of couples suffer from infertility. According to a 1995 study by the Center for Disease Control, there were 2.1 million infertile married couples in the United States, and another 6.1 million women with "impaired ability to have children." Infertility is usually defined as the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected sexual intercourse.
Often, infertility deals a deathblow to a marriage, as a couple deals with years of disappointment and turns against each another. But it doesn't have to be that way. Through a recognition of God's sovereignty, an emphasis on prayer and making the marriage—not conception—the number one priority, infertility can draw a couple closer instead of destroying them.
"Unexplained" infertilityEvery infertile couple's experience is unique, but ours was unique even among people struggling with infertility—we had nothing wrong with us. For years, fertility specialists poked, prodded, and probed Sonja countless times. I'd been required to give a "sample" into a small cup.
Through it all, they found no reasons to explain our inability to conceive. We were young, Sonja ovulated normally and had no conditions that would preclude conception, and my sperm was grade A. Yet we were unable to do what all those people with "unwanted" pregnancies could do: conceive. With straight faces, medical experts diagnosed our condition: "Unexplained Infertility." Brilliant. Now I know why my faith isn't in science.
Ovulation graphs based on daily temperature readings littered our bedside table and served as evidence of our condition. For months, Sonja counted days, predicted cycles, and beckoned me to the bedroom when neither of us wanted to be there. Our sex life had morphed from spontaneous passion to hitting "windows in the ovulation cycle," or feeling the hopelessness of missing a chance to conceive.
Sonja and I could speak authoritatively about the biological nuances of making a baby, but could do nothing about it. Sometimes it seemed we were experts in failure.
It took only a few months before the conflict over forced lovemaking started to take its toll on our marriage. Our pattern of "trying" was similar to that of other couples trying to get pregnant. Sonja would chart her ovulation cycle, then command me to hop in the sack as often as possible during the 48 hours when her egg was supposedly making its way down her fallopian tubes. Repeated sex would have been my ultimate fantasy at 16, but I'd been enjoying the secure and even-keel sex of a married man, and now she was telling me to do it again, and again, and again?! It's a turn-on the first time, but not the fiftieth.
If a window of opportunity passed without me performing my manly duties, Sonja was stressed, I was frustrated, and we were fighting. It didn't exactly set the mood for hitting our conception window. Of course I wanted to do my part to conceive, but somehow it felt wrong to sacrifice our healthy love life in a gamble for a child who may never come. In time, we found we both were the root of our problem—Sonja carried the burden of knowing when she was ovulating, and I carried the burden of performing sexually.
Idolizing pregnancy?Sonja and I recognized the danger to our relationship, in large part because of our friendship with another infertile couple, Brian and Stacey (not their real names). After two conceptions and one successful birth, Brian and Stacey had gone through five years of secondary infertility (a period of infertility following the birth of a child). As the years passed without another pregnancy, Stacey became frantic that she would never have another child.
The years of rote sex brought them to the verge of divorce, Brian told me. It caused damage to their intimacy that was still in the process of being healed nearly five years later.
Through Brian and Stacey, we learned we couldn't put our marriage at risk by continuing to "try" as we had been. We had to make our marriage a greater priority than our baby, which was easier said than done. In our experience, infertility can easily turn a baby—or even a pregnancy—into a form of idolatry.
Scientific fertility advancements certainly contribute to a couple's idea that they can make a pregnancy happen, and therefore to the temptation toward idolatry. But our Christian subculture does that, too. Some Christians put such an emphasis on children being a gift from God that we can easily forget that they are just that—a gift. Children aren't a right, and they're not something people can create through "trying" to get pregnant. I know couples who seem to conceive every time they look at each other with passion, but even these conceptions are God-ordained.
As Sonja and I struggled with infertility, we had to remind ourselves that God's foremost command to us was that we commit our relationship—and our expectations for our family—to his sovereign will.
"Don't ask, don't tell"Meanwhile, we changed our approach to hitting the fertility window to preserve and protect our sex life.
Sonja instituted a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Perhaps it was a psychological trick, but Sonja, who knew when she was ovulating, wouldn't tell me about it; she'd just get amorous. Guys are clueless anyway, so this wasn't difficult. When Sonja would lead me to the bedroom, I wouldn't ask any questions, but instead would just enjoy her initiative. We still didn't get pregnant, but our sex life didn't suffer either.
While God protected Sonja and me from an extended period of sexual conflict related to infertility, many other couples have more intense struggles.
What all too few of those couples learn is the need to focus more on love itself—away from the bedroom—and less on lovemaking.
Infertility doesn't have to destroy a marriage. And while it certainly affected ours, it didn't destroy it.
Once Sonja and I decided to submit our design for our family totally to God, he blessed us. No, not with pregnancy, but by making it clear we should adopt. A year later, in April 2002, we went to Korea to pick up our son Isaac, who is the light of our lives. Then, the big surprise came a few months later in August, when we found out we were pregnant. Our son Ashton was born this May 1.
People, even Christians, often explain our pregnancy as a result of our adoption. "You've finally relaxed!" they say. Or, "See, the problem was psychological all along!" We keep explaining it's clear to us that God closed our womb for a reason. He had a special design for Isaac, and for us.
Six years of infertility was difficult, but by God's grace our marriage thrived and we grew in our intimacy with him.
Marshall Allen, a journalist, lives with his family in California.


Marriage Partnership, Spring 2008By Jill Savage
1. Turn on the electric blanket or heated mattress pad 30 minutes before he heads to bed.
2. Empty the dishwasher or do the dishes without being asked.
3. Make coffee or tea in the morning and take it to the bathroom while she is getting ready.
4. Unload the groceries and put them away—especially if your spouse went to the store alone.
5. Open her car door.
6. Make his favorite dessert.
7. Surprise your spouse by cleaning and vacuuming his car.
8. While your spouse is in the shower, throw a towel in the dryer, then place the heated towel where he can reach it.
9. Take the children for a couple hours and give her some time alone.
10. Put your arm around her in church.
11. Rub her back or feet.
12. Buy his favorite candy bar or magazine when you stop to fill your gas tank.
13. Show excitement about doing something your spouse wants to do.
14. Warm the car and scrape the windows after a frost or snow.
15. Tell your friends—and family!—how smart your spouse is.
16. Fill your spouse's car with gas when you drive it.
17. Invite her to cuddle while watching television.
18. Take off a half-day just for the two of you.
19. Fold and put away the laundry.
20. Pray a blessing over your spouse—then tell him or her what you prayed for.
I Want to Hold Your HandBy Donna FrisingerMy stepdad was just beginning to come out of the anesthetic after minor surgery. As I watched him regain consciousness, before he even opened his eyes, he reached for my mother's hand. A simple act, yet so profound. It was a straightforward, spontaneous reflex that said, I need you. I love you. I'm so glad you're here for me.
I remember the first time my husband reached for my hand. It was our first date, and we were at the Circle Theater in Indianapolis to see The Sound of Music. Somewhere between "Climb Every Mountain" and "Something Good," I felt him cautiously span the short distance to grasp my fingers, then hold on for dear life.
I didn't breathe for a few seconds, as I tried to keep my eyes focused on the big screen. Slowly, I relaxed and let my fingers curl into his. They fit perfectly.
Forty years later, that's how we go to sleep each night: holding hands. I don't remember exactly when we started this ritual, but it's one I cherish.
A recent study of how human touch affects neural stress release indicated that married women who hold their husband's hand feel instant relief from extremely stressful situations.
Tom DeMaio, a clinical psychologist in Charlottesville, North Carolina, says that he often recommends that couples hold hands during an argument. "It keeps them connected when they are trying to work things out during tough times," he says.
Sounds like a plan to me.
Real. That's how I feel when Barry and I hold hands. Sometimes I can't even tell where his hand ends and mine begins. We are one, as God meant us to be.Copyright © 2008 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.Spring 2008


Marriage Partnership, Summer 2008When Sex HurtsFor thousands of women, intercourse is physically painful. Now there's help.By Christopher and Rachel McCluskey
Amanda and Randy had been married almost four months. Their honeymoon was great, except for the "main event." No matter how hard they tried, it just wasn't happening. With great embarrassment Amanda finally went to her gynecologist, thinking there was something wrong with her.
Amanda's issue represents the experience of thousands of couples. Their frustration is incredible—they can't consummate their oneness, and they don't know where to turn for help. One husband put it this way: "We were virgins when we married. Four years later we were still not 'one.' It was terrible. We went to three different counselors, and they were nice but really didn't know what to do or say to us."
After running some tests, Amanda's physician informed her that she was normal, but she had vaginismus.
Vaginismus is a condition in which the muscles in the lower third of the vagina—the pubococcygeus or pc muscles—involuntarily constrict so tightly that they're unable to allow penetration, or they at least make penetration incredibly painful.
The result is that a couple is either unable to engage in intercourse at all (commonly referred to as primary vaginismus), or is able to do so only with tremendous difficulty (secondary vaginismus). As one wife battling secondary vaginismus put it, "We were able to have intercourse, but it was unbearably painful. It never seemed to get any better. About six months after we were married, we just stopped trying."
The physical, emotional, and spiritual toll this takes on a marriage can be devastating.
Studies have shown that up to 47 percent of women experience general pain during sex, and between 6 and 10 percent suffer with either primary or secondary vaginismus. Several physiological issues can be contributing factors, including vaginal yeast or bacterial infections, urinary tract infections, physical damage from childbirth, and sexually transmitted diseases. Even allergic reactions to medications, latex in condoms, lubricants, or spermicides can lead to secondary vaginismus.
But psychological factors also play a central role, whether or not there are physical problems. Fears resulting from rape or molestation, insensitive gynecological exams, negative messages about sex being dirty or wrong, or fear of pregnancy can create these involuntary spasms, even when a woman isn't fully conscious of such fears. Feelings of disgust about genitalia, or even imagined or anticipated fear because of stories from other women or scenes from a movie, can create the reaction. And certainly fear of re-experiencing pain after unsuccessful attempts at intercourse can quickly set up a self-perpetuating cycle, creating a greater likelihood of painful penetration, which creates more fear.
It's not "all in your head"It's important to understand that this problem isn't "all in your head." This isn't merely a "mind over matter" issue. Countless women have been told—or have told themselves—that and have tried to force themselves to complete the act in spite of excruciating pain. This only exacerbates the problem. The key is to recognize that for some reason the woman has established an involuntary pattern that operates in the same way as a simple phobia (such as a fear of the dark). But the good news is that with treatment it's nearly 100 percent curable!
If you are struggling with painful intercourse, the first thing to do is have a thorough gynecological exam to diagnose and address any physiological disorders. Next, meet with a licensed Christian psychotherapist, preferably one certified in sex therapy (visit to find one in your area), to identify and address any unresolved emotional trauma from experiences such as rape or molestation, abuse, negative mental conditioning from childhood, or oppressive religious beliefs about sex.
Once you and your physician and therapist have addressed all physiological and psychological problems, the final step is to reprogram your central nervous system (cns). This often requires a woman to become more familiar with her body, particularly her genitalia, and with her pleasure zones, discovering what is most pleasing and arousing for her. It may require creating greater feelings of trust and safety within the marriage, especially if there have been angry conflicts over her inability to allow penetration.
How your body respondsIn addition to these crucial steps, you'll need to engage in a process called systematic desensitization—desensitizing the central nervous system to its conditioned response. It's similar to when we get something in our eye and our eye reacts immediately (and largely involuntarily) by closing or blinking and tearing up. It's a self-protective, central nervous system-based, muscular response. As anyone who wears contacts knows, however, you can reprogram those involuntary responses to the point that you can move your contact around on the surface of your eye or insert drops without any of the near-panicky blinking responses you'd normally have made.
To overcome vaginismus, the goal is to "teach" the cns that its automatic responses aren't necessary and are, in fact, not desired, to send the cns the repeated message that it's safe and has no need to react in a protective manner. As you reinforce this message through sensory exercises, positive mental rehearsal, and consistent prayer, your body will eventually "unlearn" its unconscious reaction in order to enjoy full intercourse.
Here's one exercise to commit to on a near-daily basis, for several weeks or months if necessary.
Giving yourself at least an hour of uninterrupted time, make a cup of hot chamomile tea or another drink that will relax you. Lock yourself in the bathroom and draw a warm bath. Add scented oils such as lavender and light a scented candle. Put on a cd of relaxing music at a low volume. Cover your time in prayer as you begin to disrobe, and spend some time becoming more familiar with the body God gave you.
Settling into the bath, let the warm water relax your muscles, continuing in prayer and asking for the gift of the ability to be joined as one with your husband. While still in the bath, place a finger at the opening of the vagina and notice any reaction. If the muscles spasm, simply leave the finger there and do some deep breathing, mentally reassuring yourself that all is well and you are safe, and wait until the muscles relax. This may be sufficient for several days. Eventually, try slightly inserting your finger.
Repeat this same process, gradually inserting deeper and/or adding a second finger. Don't try to move in and out—all you're working for is containment. You're allowing the nerves to become desensitized to having something inside the vagina. When this is no longer painful, try pressing against the pelvic floor (the lower part of the vagina, toward the rectum.) This will stretch the pc muscles, but again, stop and allow the muscles to relax any time you sense them tightening.
Many women prefer to use plastic dilators of varying diameters instead of their fingers. If you'd be more comfortable with that, go to to purchase one. Whether you use dilators or your fingers, work for containment each time for at least 5 to 20 minutes. Eventually, you'll want to invite your husband to your exercises, and you may move from the bathroom to the bedroom, but don't attempt intercourse yet. You'll need to educate him on what you've learned about your body's responses, and ask him to be patient as you increase your level of vulnerability by engaging in mutual exploration and stimulation, without the goal of consummation.
If you remain diligent in your exercises, you'll eventually find your involuntary reactions greatly decreasing and your comfort with (and desire for!) attempting intercourse increasing. Use all your sensory cues for relaxing your cns and then, applying ample lubrication to your husband's penis, begin trying gentle penetration and containment. You'll eventually be able to progress from containment to gentle thrusting, and before long, you'll both be enjoying pain-free sexual oneness as God intended it.
Is it worth all the effort?Over the years we've had the joy of receiving photographs of babies who would never have been born if not for their parents' commitment to working through vaginismus. These couples would readily affirm that all the effort and frustration and tears now seem a small price to have paid for the gift of their children.
But even if children are never a result, the couples who work together to get to the other side of vaginismus express a much deeper and richer sense of connection. After working with one couple, the wife told me (Chris), "We finally got home about 3 a.m. on New Year's Eve. We were tired, but that didn't matter. We dimmed the lights and made love. This time it was beyond magical, it was heavenly. We weren't just having sex or doing our exercises—we were truly making love. I've never felt so connected to my husband—and to God! It was an amazing feeling. We took it slow and easy and just really enjoyed each other. I can't even find words to explain how wonderful it was!"
If vaginismus is your secret struggle, take heart. There are answers, and the benefits of finding those answers together can cement your marriage far more strongly than the challenging times may ever have threatened to tear it apart.
Christopher and Rachel McCluskey are co-authors of When Two Become One: Enhancing Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (Revell). www.whentwobecomeone.netCopyright © 2008 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.Summer