by Dionis Fernandez
What is personally harmful about premarital sex are not only the consequences that we could see, but the consequences that we cannot see.
Many think that premarital sex is bad only because of pregnancy, venereal diseases, abortion, etc. But there is a consequence far more important and crucial that many ignore:
Sex with people that are not going to be your husband or wife, is an offensive attack against the one who will be.
Your spouse will indeed wonder about all your past romantic and sexual experiences since he/she is part of you for the rest of each others life. And it is common sense that nobody would like to picture their spouse experiencing these unique moments of intimacy with another person.
In other words: it's not about doing it safe or not, it is about preventing experiences that can negatively impact and interfere with your permanent and life long relationship.
A common question is the following:
"But I have been with my partner for years! What if I am 100% sure that I am going to marry him/her?" Many tend to say: "I have been with my girlfriend/boyfriend for years. I don't see why I can't have sex with him/her if we have been together for so much time?"
With in courtship, there is no vow, no pledge, no promise, no pact, nor oath that will guarantee that the relationship will persist or stay together in anyway.A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship can end at any time even if the relationship has lasted a life time and even if both are sure that they "love" each other.
Within marriage, there is legal proof that both are a formal relationship to the eyes of society and God. If a relationship ends within courtship, and if there were sex, you can be sure that this experience will be similar to a divorce since the relationship went to its highest level, but not to its highest commitment.
You can also be sure that this experience will leave a tremendous amount of unnecessary "emotional baggage" since both became one flesh with in sex, and now there is no other choice but to rip that one flesh apart which will result in emotional agony and extreme heartache.
About the Author
About the Author: Dionis is the owner of 100QuestionsBeforeMarriage.com, website were many important articles about marriage and pre-marriage questions are posted. Please feel free to visit our unique quality content site at http://www.100questionsbeforemarriage.com.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
EARLY PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS.
Written by StandUpGirl Team
How can you tell? A quick head to toe list.
The onset and degree of pregnancy symptoms will vary within women. Many women experience them within days of conception, others take a few weeks before pregnancy symptoms kick in and a lucky few feel no discomfort at all. The early pregnancy symptoms listed here generally can be felt once implantation occurs (8 - 10 days from ovulation) and will lessen after the first trimester. It is frustrating to realize that many pregnancy symptoms are very similar to those that occur right before menstruating. However, combined with high temperatures and a longer luteal phase - they are key indications that you are pregnant! Nausea and Vomiting
Nausea and vomiting may come as early as a week into the pregnancy. Many women experience illness in the morning (morning sickness), some in the afternoon or evening, others feel nausea throughout the entire day. There is no explanation as to why pregnant women feel this or even a solution as to how to prevent it - however, eating small frequent meals, and snacking on saltine crackers seems to give some kind of relief. Eating a protein/carboy hydrate at bedtime (try an apple and a glass of milk) tends to lessen the nausea that occurs in the morning.
Breast Tenderness
Breasts may be very tender, swollen and start to enlarge. Many times the veins within the breast will become more visible. Your nipples may start to darken in color, become more erect and be extremely sensitive. These symptoms are due to increasing amount of HCG hormone that begins at implantation.
Frequent Urination
Pregnancy causes the uterus to swell and it will start to enlarge for the growing fetus immediately. The uterus puts pressure on your bladder making you feel the need for more frequent urination. Many women start to feel this symptom within a week or two after pregnancy has occurred.
Feeling Tired / Sluggish
This one is pretty obvious. When pregnant your body is going through some major hormonal changes. HCG levels alone go from 0 - 250,000 mIU/ml in just twelve weeks. Your temperature is also higher due to the amount progesterone circulating through your body which will also make you feel a little sluggish.
Missed Period / Light Bleeding
Light bleeding (spotting) may occur approximately 8 - 10 days from ovulation. It usually happens around the same time you would have gotten your menstrual period. Some women assume they have started their period when in fact they are pregnant. The spotting is caused from implantation which is when the fertilized egg burrows into the endometrial lining.
Dizziness and/or Fainting
When standing in one place you may feel dizzy or even faint. The growing uterus compresses major arteries in your legs which causes your blood pressure to drop making you extremely light headed. Skipping meals or going too long without eating may cause you to feel dizzy or faint. When not eating frequently enough it causes low blood sugar. Blood sugar is the primary source of food for your baby so it will be depleted much more quickly.
Constipation
Pregnancy hormones will slow down bowel functions to give maximum absorption time of vitamins and nutrients. Unfortunately, this symptom usually only gets worse as the pregnancy progresses.
Irritability
Raging hormones are the cause of this...along with having to put up with all the other symptoms. This symptom should decrease soon into the second trimester but until then, a healthy diet, moderate exercise and plenty of sleep should help the crabbiness somewhat.
Heartburn
The uterus is very swollen and starts to push upward as it grows. The increasing levels of HCG will also slow down digestion making your stomach not empty as fast which increases the stomach acid.
Courtesy of webwomb.com
Of course, if you think you might be pregnant you should see a good doctor.
THE 5 SIDES OF INTIMAMACY.
Henry was usually jovial and positive. Last night, however, he came late to our church meeting and didn't have much to say.
"I'll never understand women," he told me after the meeting. "My wife thinks we need more intimacy. She says we aren't as close as we used to be. I don't know what she's talking about. I thought we had a good marriage."
All-encompassingThere's something about our psychological, spiritual, and physical makeup that cries out for intimacy with another. That's because God designed marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships, in which we share life intellectually, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Are you and your spouse intimate in these ways?
Intellectual intimacy. This isn't about discussing highly intellectual ideas. The important thing is discussing your thoughts. They may be thoughts about food, finances, health, crime, work, politics. They reveal something of what's gone on in your mind throughout the day.
Social intimacy. This has to do with spending time around the events of life. Some of these events we experience together; others happen while we're apart and are shared through open communication. Much of life involves doing. When we do things together, we not only develop a sense of teamwork, we also enhance our sense of intimacy.
Emotional intimacy. Feelings are our spontaneous, emotional responses to what we encounter through the five senses. I see the fire truck racing down the road and I feel troubled. You touch my hand and I feel loved. When we share emotions, we build emotional intimacy.
Spiritual intimacy. Often the least excavated of all the foundations of marital intimacy, yet this has a significant impact on the others. It doesn't require agreement of belief on every detail. Instead, we seek to tell each other what's going on in our inner self. It's discussing our thoughts about spiritual realities. The purpose isn't agreement, but understanding.
Physical intimacy. Because men and women are different (long live their differences!), we often come at sexual intimacy in different ways. The husband's emphasis is often on the physical aspects—the seeing, touching, and climax are the focus of his attention. The wife, though, comes to sexual intimacy with more interest in the relationship. To feel loved, appreciated, and treated tenderly brings her great joy. Sexual intimacy requires understanding and responding to these differences.
Practicing intimacyAn essential ingredient of intimacy is allowing your spouse to be himself without striving to conform him to your ideals.
In intimacy, we try to grow closer together, not to eliminate the "otherness," but to enjoy it. Men and women are different and we must not, even with good intentions, seek to destroy those differences.
What keeps us from experiencing intimacy? All of us are egocentric; the world revolves around us. Yet, when we focus on self, we lose intimacy.
The opposite of self-centeredness, then, is love. Love concentrates on the well-being of the spouse. We take time to listen to the thoughts, feelings, and desires of our spouse. We seek to understand and to respond with empathy. We choose to do things with each other, even things that may not be our favorite activities, simply because we want to be with each other.
In the context of such intimacy we become supportive and caring of each other, which builds a stronger, more contented marriage.
Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D., a marriage and relationship expert, is author of Five Signs of a Loving Family (Northfield Press).Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.Fall 2005, Vol. 22, No. 3, Page 24
"I'll never understand women," he told me after the meeting. "My wife thinks we need more intimacy. She says we aren't as close as we used to be. I don't know what she's talking about. I thought we had a good marriage."
All-encompassingThere's something about our psychological, spiritual, and physical makeup that cries out for intimacy with another. That's because God designed marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships, in which we share life intellectually, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Are you and your spouse intimate in these ways?
Intellectual intimacy. This isn't about discussing highly intellectual ideas. The important thing is discussing your thoughts. They may be thoughts about food, finances, health, crime, work, politics. They reveal something of what's gone on in your mind throughout the day.
Social intimacy. This has to do with spending time around the events of life. Some of these events we experience together; others happen while we're apart and are shared through open communication. Much of life involves doing. When we do things together, we not only develop a sense of teamwork, we also enhance our sense of intimacy.
Emotional intimacy. Feelings are our spontaneous, emotional responses to what we encounter through the five senses. I see the fire truck racing down the road and I feel troubled. You touch my hand and I feel loved. When we share emotions, we build emotional intimacy.
Spiritual intimacy. Often the least excavated of all the foundations of marital intimacy, yet this has a significant impact on the others. It doesn't require agreement of belief on every detail. Instead, we seek to tell each other what's going on in our inner self. It's discussing our thoughts about spiritual realities. The purpose isn't agreement, but understanding.
Physical intimacy. Because men and women are different (long live their differences!), we often come at sexual intimacy in different ways. The husband's emphasis is often on the physical aspects—the seeing, touching, and climax are the focus of his attention. The wife, though, comes to sexual intimacy with more interest in the relationship. To feel loved, appreciated, and treated tenderly brings her great joy. Sexual intimacy requires understanding and responding to these differences.
Practicing intimacyAn essential ingredient of intimacy is allowing your spouse to be himself without striving to conform him to your ideals.
In intimacy, we try to grow closer together, not to eliminate the "otherness," but to enjoy it. Men and women are different and we must not, even with good intentions, seek to destroy those differences.
What keeps us from experiencing intimacy? All of us are egocentric; the world revolves around us. Yet, when we focus on self, we lose intimacy.
The opposite of self-centeredness, then, is love. Love concentrates on the well-being of the spouse. We take time to listen to the thoughts, feelings, and desires of our spouse. We seek to understand and to respond with empathy. We choose to do things with each other, even things that may not be our favorite activities, simply because we want to be with each other.
In the context of such intimacy we become supportive and caring of each other, which builds a stronger, more contented marriage.
Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D., a marriage and relationship expert, is author of Five Signs of a Loving Family (Northfield Press).Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.Fall 2005, Vol. 22, No. 3, Page 24
ABOUT GETTING DIVORCE.
By Georgia Shaffer
Five friends and I were having breakfast one morning when our conversation turned to our friend Cindy.* She was convinced divorce was the answer to her problems.
"I wish Cindy would listen to us," I said.
"She made it clear she doesn't want to hear anything from us divorcées," said Betsy. "She's made up her mind, and she's not changing it."
Two-thirds of those who stayed married reported happy marriages five years later
That morning, in utter frustration, my friends and I compiled a list: what we wish we'd known before we got divorced—the things we wanted Cindy to know before she made her final decision. Each of us had experienced the upheaval of divorce and watched 12 of our close friends' second marriages end.
We all knew Cindy wasn't casually deciding to end her marriage—few people do. Divorce is one of the most agonizing choices a couple makes. We understood the anger, panic, abandonment, and feelings of being trapped that lead many people to divorce. But we'd also experienced the "other side" of being single again. We'd seen the lives of our children changed forever. Years later, we continue to live with the ongoing pain and complications of a destroyed marriage.
As a licensed psychologist, I've heard many people consider the possibility of ending their marriage. They look at divorce as a solution to their marital woes, a viable answer to their pain and frustration. Ultimately, however, it creates only different problems. In a recent study by the Institute for American Values chaired by sociologist Linda Waite of the University of Chicago, researchers asked, "Does divorce make people happy?" They found that those who ended their troubled marriage in divorce weren't any happier than those who remained married. In fact, two-thirds of those who stayed married reported happy marriages five years later.
Here's the list we compiled for Cindy.
1. Life will change more than you realize"I thought I'd enjoy being alone," says Lori, who has never remarried. "But I'm lonely. Whenever my friends complain about how needy their husbands or children are, I say, 'Try living without that.'"
Andy, like Lori, hasn't remarried. "I didn't expect to miss odd things like the towels folded neatly, shopping for groceries together, or the Saturday routine we'd established," he says. After his divorce, Andy realized how much the familiar, everyday things of married life meant to him.
Add children to the equation, and the result is even stickier. Instead of two people parenting your children, if you have custody, you're left to do it all—alone. You become the sole breadwinner, spiritual adviser, disciplinarian, housekeeper. The stress levels of this responsibility can become staggering.
Then there are the scheduling dilemmas. Recently, my friend Betsy and I were discussing how complicated it can be to see our sons during a short college break. Although we both cooperate with our ex-husbands, we still ache as we watch our innocent children bear the heavy responsibility of carefully doling out their time between the families in an effort not to alienate either parent.
Although the everyday occurrences can create plenty of challenges after divorce, the special occasions are worse. Every birthday, holiday, wedding, or funeral is a potential nightmare. Allison told me, "At my future daughter-in-law's wedding, she's planning to walk down the aisle by herself because she has multiple fathers and is torn between her allegiances. My heart breaks for her." These problems don't end when the children grow up and marry. The hassles continue with the grandchildren.
Even if you remarry, the consequences of your divorce continue to impact your life. Jan Coleman, author of After the Locusts, was single-again for 12 years before marrying Carl. As good as her present marriage is, she doesn't hesitate to say what a dramatic change it made in her life.
"Yes, you can love and trust again," she says. "But the first marriage is God's best, his design. We weren't meant to give up on it, but to work through all the struggles to God's glory and our best. The tearing of the flesh may heal, but the scars are always there. Remarriage can be great in many ways if you marry for the right reasons, but it's still not the same."
2. Your life won't be more carefreeAs a self-confident, independent woman with a fast-moving career and no children, Stephanie couldn't wait to be free of the pain of her dying marriage.
"I would no longer have to put with up his problems," she says. "I'd be able to do what I wanted when I wanted. But after the divorce, it was my career and my home that began to hold me hostage. I was imprisoned by all the things I thought made me look good."
Divorce never brought the carefree lifestyle Stephanie had expected.
There are those seemingly hidden emotional wounds that can pop open when we least expect or which we learn to expect on special anniversaries. Jan Coleman says, "Every Christmas, I become depressed. After 20 years it still hits me suddenly, without warning. I was first married in December, and my childhood sweetheart left me for another woman 15 Decembers later. Every year I have a weepy week."
Jan's second husband understands and gives her the space "to grieve again for the loss of that ideal family I spent my life imagining. There are times when it hits him too. You're never free from the effects of that broken first marriage."
I know this truth from personal experience. Recently, I began dating someone who's divorced. Because of our pasts, we have several barriers in our current relationship—one of which is the fear of trusting and loving again.
3. You trade one set of problems for anotherEven the most amiable break-ups bring deep wounds. There are always consequences to divorce.
"What I didn't anticipate," says Brad, who hasn't remarried, "was the way my friends perceived me. All of a sudden I became damaged goods. One couple, who'd been my close friends for 20 years, became cool toward me after the divorce."
There's a ripple effect. Your divorce doesn't just affect you and your spouse. It affects everyone around you. Friends often feel as if they must pick sides, so they keep their distance. Relationships with those who do remain loyal change abruptly. Church friends may stay away, feeling uncomfortable. And family members who've grown to love and care for the ex feel forced to "divorce" as well.
Then there are the financial ramifications. Dividing the assets isn't always done equitably. Vern was left with only 31 percent of his retirement account even though his ex-wife worked and they had no children together. At the age of 49, this circumstance was a blow to his retirement plans.
If there's a remarriage, blending children from previous marriages brings problems that can range from emotional chaos to stoic tolerance. A recently remarried friend said, "My life is more complicated than ever. I've put all this effort into a new marriage, but we're struggling. My new stepson ignores me. His attitude is, 'I'm here to be with my dad and that's it.' I feel horrible—like a second class citizen in my own home."
4. Feelings can be deceivingKathy, who was in her twenties and newly married, learned that following her feelings can have tragic consequences.
"My husband was away a lot, and most evenings I was home alone. I felt lonely and empty. Many nights I cried myself to sleep and wondered why I ever got married.
"When I met a man who made me feel alive and passionate about life, I concluded these feelings of excitement confirmed I was no longer in love with my husband.
"Rather than praying and giving my concerns to God, I took the situation in my own hands and moved out. I was convinced I'd made a mistake in getting married."
Still single five years later, Kathy wishes some wise woman would have come alongside her, prayed with her, and gently reminded her that love is a choice and a commitment, not an emotion.
When my son was six years old, he'd complain about being disciplined for disobeying what he called my "stupid rules." Over and over I'd repeat, "Kyle, I'm being short-term mean, but long-term nice."
Like children, we sometimes allow our desire for momentary pleasure to pull us from God's best. Rather than doing the hard work it takes to invest daily in our marriage, we make seemingly innocent decisions thinking they'll do no harm.
Our friend Cindy didn't listen to us. She opted for the divorce. Sadly she wasn't willing to persevere and uncover the lost treasures that first drew her and her husband together. With God's help, her current pain or discontentment could have been transformed into long-term joy and abundant blessings. Like my son learned many years ago, short-term pain can indeed lead to long-term gain.
Georgia Shaffer, author of A Gift of Mourning Glories: Restoring Your Life After Loss (Vine Brooks), is a speaker and licensed psychologist in Pennsylvania. Visit Georgia at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com.
"What I Wish I'd Done to Save My Marriage"
Worked harder: "I wish I'd gone to a reliable Christian counselor and committed to working through the problems. I gave up." —Jeff*Respected my spouse: "How I wish I'd followed my parents' example. They had the utmost respect for each other—they never offered sarcasm or negative words. My father used to say, 'Your mother will be my bride until the day I die.' She was." —NancyPut God first: "Christ should have been the center of our relationship. I made a god of my husband, and he began to act like one." —MargaretGuarded my words: "I blamed my wife for every problem that arose. But I needed to do my own soul searching." —JohnFocused on my spouse's positive attributes: "Both of us brought uplifting qualities to our marriage. But before long I was focusing only on his weaknesses, not his gifts." —Betsy
—GS
*Names have been changedCopyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.Summer 2005, Vol. 22, No. 2, Page 46
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Five friends and I were having breakfast one morning when our conversation turned to our friend Cindy.* She was convinced divorce was the answer to her problems.
"I wish Cindy would listen to us," I said.
"She made it clear she doesn't want to hear anything from us divorcées," said Betsy. "She's made up her mind, and she's not changing it."
Two-thirds of those who stayed married reported happy marriages five years later
That morning, in utter frustration, my friends and I compiled a list: what we wish we'd known before we got divorced—the things we wanted Cindy to know before she made her final decision. Each of us had experienced the upheaval of divorce and watched 12 of our close friends' second marriages end.
We all knew Cindy wasn't casually deciding to end her marriage—few people do. Divorce is one of the most agonizing choices a couple makes. We understood the anger, panic, abandonment, and feelings of being trapped that lead many people to divorce. But we'd also experienced the "other side" of being single again. We'd seen the lives of our children changed forever. Years later, we continue to live with the ongoing pain and complications of a destroyed marriage.
As a licensed psychologist, I've heard many people consider the possibility of ending their marriage. They look at divorce as a solution to their marital woes, a viable answer to their pain and frustration. Ultimately, however, it creates only different problems. In a recent study by the Institute for American Values chaired by sociologist Linda Waite of the University of Chicago, researchers asked, "Does divorce make people happy?" They found that those who ended their troubled marriage in divorce weren't any happier than those who remained married. In fact, two-thirds of those who stayed married reported happy marriages five years later.
Here's the list we compiled for Cindy.
1. Life will change more than you realize"I thought I'd enjoy being alone," says Lori, who has never remarried. "But I'm lonely. Whenever my friends complain about how needy their husbands or children are, I say, 'Try living without that.'"
Andy, like Lori, hasn't remarried. "I didn't expect to miss odd things like the towels folded neatly, shopping for groceries together, or the Saturday routine we'd established," he says. After his divorce, Andy realized how much the familiar, everyday things of married life meant to him.
Add children to the equation, and the result is even stickier. Instead of two people parenting your children, if you have custody, you're left to do it all—alone. You become the sole breadwinner, spiritual adviser, disciplinarian, housekeeper. The stress levels of this responsibility can become staggering.
Then there are the scheduling dilemmas. Recently, my friend Betsy and I were discussing how complicated it can be to see our sons during a short college break. Although we both cooperate with our ex-husbands, we still ache as we watch our innocent children bear the heavy responsibility of carefully doling out their time between the families in an effort not to alienate either parent.
Although the everyday occurrences can create plenty of challenges after divorce, the special occasions are worse. Every birthday, holiday, wedding, or funeral is a potential nightmare. Allison told me, "At my future daughter-in-law's wedding, she's planning to walk down the aisle by herself because she has multiple fathers and is torn between her allegiances. My heart breaks for her." These problems don't end when the children grow up and marry. The hassles continue with the grandchildren.
Even if you remarry, the consequences of your divorce continue to impact your life. Jan Coleman, author of After the Locusts, was single-again for 12 years before marrying Carl. As good as her present marriage is, she doesn't hesitate to say what a dramatic change it made in her life.
"Yes, you can love and trust again," she says. "But the first marriage is God's best, his design. We weren't meant to give up on it, but to work through all the struggles to God's glory and our best. The tearing of the flesh may heal, but the scars are always there. Remarriage can be great in many ways if you marry for the right reasons, but it's still not the same."
2. Your life won't be more carefreeAs a self-confident, independent woman with a fast-moving career and no children, Stephanie couldn't wait to be free of the pain of her dying marriage.
"I would no longer have to put with up his problems," she says. "I'd be able to do what I wanted when I wanted. But after the divorce, it was my career and my home that began to hold me hostage. I was imprisoned by all the things I thought made me look good."
Divorce never brought the carefree lifestyle Stephanie had expected.
There are those seemingly hidden emotional wounds that can pop open when we least expect or which we learn to expect on special anniversaries. Jan Coleman says, "Every Christmas, I become depressed. After 20 years it still hits me suddenly, without warning. I was first married in December, and my childhood sweetheart left me for another woman 15 Decembers later. Every year I have a weepy week."
Jan's second husband understands and gives her the space "to grieve again for the loss of that ideal family I spent my life imagining. There are times when it hits him too. You're never free from the effects of that broken first marriage."
I know this truth from personal experience. Recently, I began dating someone who's divorced. Because of our pasts, we have several barriers in our current relationship—one of which is the fear of trusting and loving again.
3. You trade one set of problems for anotherEven the most amiable break-ups bring deep wounds. There are always consequences to divorce.
"What I didn't anticipate," says Brad, who hasn't remarried, "was the way my friends perceived me. All of a sudden I became damaged goods. One couple, who'd been my close friends for 20 years, became cool toward me after the divorce."
There's a ripple effect. Your divorce doesn't just affect you and your spouse. It affects everyone around you. Friends often feel as if they must pick sides, so they keep their distance. Relationships with those who do remain loyal change abruptly. Church friends may stay away, feeling uncomfortable. And family members who've grown to love and care for the ex feel forced to "divorce" as well.
Then there are the financial ramifications. Dividing the assets isn't always done equitably. Vern was left with only 31 percent of his retirement account even though his ex-wife worked and they had no children together. At the age of 49, this circumstance was a blow to his retirement plans.
If there's a remarriage, blending children from previous marriages brings problems that can range from emotional chaos to stoic tolerance. A recently remarried friend said, "My life is more complicated than ever. I've put all this effort into a new marriage, but we're struggling. My new stepson ignores me. His attitude is, 'I'm here to be with my dad and that's it.' I feel horrible—like a second class citizen in my own home."
4. Feelings can be deceivingKathy, who was in her twenties and newly married, learned that following her feelings can have tragic consequences.
"My husband was away a lot, and most evenings I was home alone. I felt lonely and empty. Many nights I cried myself to sleep and wondered why I ever got married.
"When I met a man who made me feel alive and passionate about life, I concluded these feelings of excitement confirmed I was no longer in love with my husband.
"Rather than praying and giving my concerns to God, I took the situation in my own hands and moved out. I was convinced I'd made a mistake in getting married."
Still single five years later, Kathy wishes some wise woman would have come alongside her, prayed with her, and gently reminded her that love is a choice and a commitment, not an emotion.
When my son was six years old, he'd complain about being disciplined for disobeying what he called my "stupid rules." Over and over I'd repeat, "Kyle, I'm being short-term mean, but long-term nice."
Like children, we sometimes allow our desire for momentary pleasure to pull us from God's best. Rather than doing the hard work it takes to invest daily in our marriage, we make seemingly innocent decisions thinking they'll do no harm.
Our friend Cindy didn't listen to us. She opted for the divorce. Sadly she wasn't willing to persevere and uncover the lost treasures that first drew her and her husband together. With God's help, her current pain or discontentment could have been transformed into long-term joy and abundant blessings. Like my son learned many years ago, short-term pain can indeed lead to long-term gain.
Georgia Shaffer, author of A Gift of Mourning Glories: Restoring Your Life After Loss (Vine Brooks), is a speaker and licensed psychologist in Pennsylvania. Visit Georgia at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com.
"What I Wish I'd Done to Save My Marriage"
Worked harder: "I wish I'd gone to a reliable Christian counselor and committed to working through the problems. I gave up." —Jeff*Respected my spouse: "How I wish I'd followed my parents' example. They had the utmost respect for each other—they never offered sarcasm or negative words. My father used to say, 'Your mother will be my bride until the day I die.' She was." —NancyPut God first: "Christ should have been the center of our relationship. I made a god of my husband, and he began to act like one." —MargaretGuarded my words: "I blamed my wife for every problem that arose. But I needed to do my own soul searching." —JohnFocused on my spouse's positive attributes: "Both of us brought uplifting qualities to our marriage. But before long I was focusing only on his weaknesses, not his gifts." —Betsy
—GS
*Names have been changedCopyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.Summer 2005, Vol. 22, No. 2, Page 46
We'd really like to know what you think about this article!
Is this the kind of article you'd like to see more of?Is there a topic you'd like us to cover?Please send your suggestions to
mpfeedback@christianitytoday.com
Discuss this article on the 'Help & Healing' message board
Read more from 'Help & Healing'Marriage PartnershipHome Archives Contact Us
Try an Issue of Today's Christian Woman Free!
Name
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City/State/Zip
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No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only. Click here for International orders.If you decide you want to keep Today's Christian Woman coming, honor your invoice for just $17.95 and receive five more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The trial issue is yours to keep, regardless.Give Today's Christian Woman as a giftBuy 1 gift subscription, get 1 FREE!.
Friday, August 8, 2008
CLIMBING THE ORGASM DURING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
Reaching the point of orgasm has been compared to climbing a mountain.The woman"s climbing is much slower than that of the man,and this is why so many men and women do not know that a woman can and should have an orgasm at intercourse.Some women are slower than others,and each woman varie alot according to her circumstances.Breastfeeders and menopausal women(after the menses have finally ceased)climb very slowly,but their enjoyment is just as deep and even deeper in the end,provided the husband knows how to bring such a wife to the top of the mountain.They should always being the climb together,the aim of each being to help the other to reach the top.The husband should be mindful that without him,his wife cannot reach the heights.He needs to remember too that for him to bring her half-way,stimulate a big need in her, and then drop her down the mountainside,is positively cruel.A few husband are not strong enough in mind and heart to accept the utter dependence of their wives in all of this,others do not love enough,some are unkind and do not care.But for the vast majority of ordinary good men in places where i teach,failure to bring their wives to the top is due simply to lack of this kind of knowledge,even among the educated people.As i travel arround,gratitude from both husband and wives is the most striking response i recieve for these particular guidance.The most important things in the lives of these men is not sex,but the happiness of their wives. john ( healthmirrow@gmail.com)
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
MARITALCENTER
Warm welcome to you my viewer,you are indeed blessed for visiting these site and you will be more blessed after these visit,indeed your life will never remain thesame after these visit, As the name of these site applies,marital contents will be loaded on these site,issues that varies from sex,pregranancy,fidility,infections and treatment of some chronics infections.
You are important,as your personality will be treated will ultmost diginity and respect.Once again you are welcome,enjoy your contents.john maritalcenter@gmail.com
You are important,as your personality will be treated will ultmost diginity and respect.Once again you are welcome,enjoy your contents.john maritalcenter@gmail.com
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